Opinion: It May Seem Like a Small Thing

A friend recently sent me a phone picture of a Before and After mocking article about Bridget Fonda. It ignited a long smoldering ground fire in me that was kindled some years ago when I was in line at the supermarket and a now defunct tabloid newspaper blared out some headline about the cellulite on Keeley Shay's backside in a beach photo. My first reaction was "Who Cares?" But it made me think because it was by no means a single abberrant cover story. It was part of an ongoing propaganda about women's bodies. All sorts of celebrities were being spied upon as they swam in pools or walked on beaches and the state of their thighs and buttocks were used to mock and shame them. Apparently I wasn't the only one who saw this as sexist because a year or several months later I ran across a full page spread showing various male celebrities caught unawares in their bathing suits with their stomach fat lounging over the waistband of their speedos (Rod Stewwart), and love handles hanging over the back bumper, skinny shanks and chicken legs propping up the melting ice cream cone of the aging former body builder Arnold Schwartzenegger. Hah, I thought, "How do you like it!"

But in recent years there have been many essays on "Body Shaming" mainly in regard to the body shaming of women. And I began to see the Bridget Fonda episode in a larger context. The friend who sent it to me had been shown it by her husband, a man given to criticism and insult in their relationship. And I saw something sinister in this. He was warning her of the kind of mockery and shame that occurs when you grow older and softer and lose your girlish figure. Has anyone EVER seen such a thing in regard to male celebrities? Has there ever been a sneak photo of Jack Nicholson in a bathing suit when he thought he was safe and could relax? Has any of the nany balding heads and protruding paunches of aging male stars been put up on a wanted poster for the public to mock and riducule? Of course not. Money and power protect these men and their privacy. In fact, Bridget Fonda stopped acting 20 years ago, she shouldn't even be seen as a celebrity in open season anymore.

The whole thing made me annoyed enough that I kept at it with my friend until she saw the point. Her first response to my ire was defensive and that she only showed it because she was surprised at how much Bridget Fonda has changed over the years. Well, twenty years is a long time and we have ALL changed a lot over that time, and we should be allowed to! I had to go on about how value has been tied to our outward appearance rather than our abilities, our intelligence, character, and accomplishments. We have to fight back against this insidious propaganda.

I hate social media so much that I deleted my facebook page TWICE! The stream of stupidity was like a polluted creek of advertising dross, crushed beer cans of sexist drivel, empty cigarette packsof poisonous racism, styrofoam burger boxes of unfounded rumors and lies. I couldn't stand to look at it anymore, and the rare gems of communication from old friends or former students weren't worth the trashy, fake sentiment crap about Vietnam Vets I had to wade through to find them. If people feel sad about the plight of Vietnam Vets, they should do something not be satisfied to signify their patriotic feeling by hitting a send key.

Another recent manifestation of the poison of patriarchal propaganda that I have found myself taking a stand against is in the general casual conversational use of the word "Balls" to signify courage. At first I just ignored it the same way I ignored the overuse of the word "Fuck" as a modifier for everything. I wanted to shout "The English language is jam packed with excellent descriptive modifiers to denote intensity of feeling, drop the fuck and work a little harder!" But I didn't because I was an English teacher and I didn't want to be that particular type of bore. But with 'Balls' I had to make my stand. Each time someone said it, I would gently remind them that courage doesn't reside in testicles, which women don't have, (unless you count ovaries, which were never being mentioned), but in the HEART. I wanted to send out my own waves of push back over the testosterone take-over of courage. The physical signifiers of nobility have always been - The Heart for courage, the Backbone for character, and the Brain for intelligence!

These may seem like insignificant details, minor and nit-picking, but words have power. We all know that. So let's give them some attention and respect. Let's call them out when they are being used to intimidate us or mock us or take away from us! Keep your eyes and ears open and take a stand!

Happy Trails! Jo Ann