Saving Myself Each Day

When you know, at least to a small extent, what is going to be after you, you can somewhat prepare yourself. I know my father had melancholy the last ten years of his life and it lurks on the edges of my life as well, but I am not going to let it bleed me like the vampire it is.

Note to doctors: old people live on leaky rafts. You do them no favors when you load more heavy burdens onto their fragile crafts. My eye doctor gave me such a negative and bleak prognosis on Tuesday about my failing vision, that when I got myself safely home binded by all the burning drops they put in my eyes, I cried.

I picked myself up that day by looking at the art I had created lately and remembering that I won a prize in March painting MINIATURES! I looked around my living room, which I could SEE perfectly well, and spent some time reminding myself I am ok.

Nonetheless, that wound he created in my confidence and sense of being ok haunted me - hunted me - so much so that today I awoke at 7:00 in anxiety and couldn't get back to sleep. Maybe the first time that ever happened. Fortunagtely I was able to WANT something - a latte' from Dunkin Donuts, so I got up, hooked up the dog and got my purse and drove to DD and got my latte' then we drove to the park to look at the trees - this is always a stabilizer!

On the way home, I saw the Bakery in Audubon was open and I stopped in and bought some treats for my neighbor across the street who puts out my trash and recycle, and for my sister, whom I will be picking up a little later to give her a ride to work.

That drive, park, and bakery put the rout to the melancholy and I got home in time for my other helping neighbor to get my dog and take her for a nice long walk!

Now I will sit with another cup of coffee and enjoy my almond pastry - which is what I bought for myself - that and a blueberry scone!

That's how I do it! That's how I beat the blues - every day in some small way. Old age is a long game.

Happy Trails, wrightj45@yahoo.com