Today is my 81st Birthday - November 13, 1945 birthdate

"And I arose in rainy autumn and walked abroad in a shower of all my days." Dylan Thomas

(one of my favorite poets) This morning, as in most mornings, I arose to the trumpet call of the morning train, followed by the hoarse exhalation of some migrating airplanes headed for the Philadelphia airport. Also, it is raining as it always is in mid November, but it is a welcome drink for the green world in the midst of which I live nd for the birds who will visit the bird bath in the front yard.

Lavinia will be back today to finalize the purchase of the car she helped me buy on Wednesday. They were so crowded on that day that the bottleneck at the credit process kept us chairbound for so long that my neck began to really hurt and Lavinia and I were both hungry. Our plan was to have lunch after we bought the car, but instead of an hour, it took four hours.

A young, charming and chatty in-training salesman kept up a good conversation for the hours, but it was really too much for my back and neck. The pain went up into my skull and I got a headache too.

We went to Kunkel's afterward for what became dinner instead of lunch. I had the cheese ravioli and Lavinia had a salmon entree' - it was ok, not as good as I had hoped. But we were so hungry!

My KIA (2024) is the last of the line - they aren't making KIA Soul edition any more. Also it is a strange and beautiful russet orange, a color I have never seen on a car before and the salesman told us they had never had that color on the lot before. Apparently colors like that cost more and are something like a special order. This is, of course, a pre-owned car which brings the prices down considerably. The contemporary rule is to NEVER buy a brand new car because you lose a couple thousand dollars the minute you drive it off the lot, that's how fast they depreciate. This one is almost exactly like my old one, so it will be easy for me to learn. When we get back today I will practice driving around the neighborhood a little with Lavinia in the car to bolster my confidence. I tried to print a photo of me and the new car, but my printer has gone on the fritz again. Maybe it needs ink There is no way to tell what is wrong with it- these modern printers don't have a screen that tells you "Out of ink" or "paper tray empty" so all yu can do is guess.

It is EIGHT weeks since the car crash and I am both lucky and grateful to be here and to be alive. My KIA saved me. The seatbelt, the air bags, all of that saved my life. That day could have been the last day of my life. It did however change everything. It took my confidence and my sense of being safe in the world. there is a background in my mind now always, of danger, that death and destruction are lurking in the sideroads of my day. One thing is for sure, I will NOT be driving to Clarksboro every day picking up Susan and taking her to the bus. It was nothing before, a pleasure not a chore, but now I am afraid. There were many red flags. We had all been talking about how dangerous the roads had become of late, like the last couple of years - the TRUMP era of anger and disrespect for the law and for authority. People don't stop for red lights or stop signs and speeding is ubiquitous. The speed limit is 60 and they drive 80 or MORE. People pass you on the shoulder of the road and tailgait as though it is the normal way to drive.

So, now I am afraid.

I am old now and I only have a few years left. And as if to emphasize the point an old Gloucester High School colleague, Joe Gorman, died on Wednesday. He was 72 and died of heart disease. I had just seen him walking around Martin's Lake, a favorite little walk of mine for the past couple of years. I used to walk Uma there. Joe was walking with his wife, Colleen. Joe was a lighthouse of goodness and morality at the high school in a sea of vulgarity. He and his three children were pillars of light and goodness and also devotion to their community. All his kids went into education.

My cell phone weather app says the light rain will end by 2 p.m. We are due at the KIA dealer at 1:00. I am not sure what time Lavinia plans to be here but I imagine by noon or so.

I have a lot of thoughts about this birthday and also about my 80s. I think them every day - the wonder and the mystery of this old age I have reached. Since we live in the everpresent NOW, that girl and that young woman that I once was are still here inside this old stout woman. And they are stuck in a plexiglas of wonder over what we have become at the same time this old lady reminds us all what immense good fortune it is to be this old and in fairly good condition! And to have survived a catastrophic car crash that killed my car! My old KIA saved my life.

"This moment is different from every before it, this moment is different it is NOW" The Incredible String Band